Don't Mention the Guinea Pigs

The editors of British tabloid newspapers must have been gutted by England's draw with Sweden, which meant that we avoided Germany in the second round of the World Cup. All their diligently prepared copy, with oblique references to events that took place more than sixty years ago, has had to be discarded. Instead, England will be playing Ecuador, a country with whom we have not only never been at war, but for which there are no easily accessible national stereotypes.

However, help is at hand. The xenophobia department at the Daily Star has come up with a gem, producing a piece under the headline "We'll Roast 'Em Just Like Guinea Pigs", a reference to a delicacy of Andean cuisine. Notwithstanding the rather worrying use of the verb 'to roast' in the context of footballers, it seems that the problem has been solved. A similar solution has also appeared in the Sun.

In order to offset such crises in the future, I suggest that a useful reference guide be compiled, The Daily Star Bumper Book of National Stereotypes. The newpaper's crack team of researchers can discover ludicrous labels to pin upon the teams of every country in the world (Ivory Coast - elephants?), in case we ever compete against them in a sporting contest. This would make life easier for editors everywhere.